Healing Infidelity

Life throws up many challenges but the task of dealing with sudden infidelity appears monumental. Many confess that the discovery of an illicit affair of their partner is the darkest moments of their life. As trust gets shattered, many people think of annulling the marriage. But, no matter how bad the whole situation looks, it is often possible to revive the broken trust and make the marriage work. Naturally, this is never easy but a combined effort by both the partners to forgive and forget often lead to an amicable solution. This healing process takes time and happens in stages.

It is common for the betrayed partner to feel a sense of loss and sink into depression after knowing about the infidelity of his or her spouse. Often people tend to get suicidal. The healing process helps the spouse to try and recover from this trauma. It is common for the spouse to want to know the details of the affair. Though uncomfortable to hear, a discussion on this would purge the feeling of guilt and remorse in the unfaithful partner.

To make the marriage work again, both the partners are required. They need to be fully committed to the job. The unfaithful one certainly needs to end his or her affair and try anything to win back the spouse's trust. The betrayed partner needs to find a way to battle emotions. Together or individually they must check out why such an affair occurred and what needs to be done so that the incident never recurs. Trying to avoid uneasy questions would only hamper the healing process.

Again, talking only about the affair will not help in the healing process. To rebuild the marriage, the couple needs to discuss both their difficulties and the joy of sharing life together. Opportunities must be created to re-bond and recreate their friendship.

Infidelity is not forced upon somebody, it is a conscious decision. So one must examine what led to this decision. It is equally important to find out what exactly is the marriage lacking in. Often, an adulterous affair is the fallout of lack of intimacy and sexuality in a marriage. If the unfaithful partner feels he or she strayed because of being unhappy with the spouse, such feelings should be honestly attended to and sorted out. If communicating directly with one's spouse appears troublesome, one can always take the help of a marriage counselor or therapist.

The process of reconciliation can take time, sometimes even years. Patience is hugely important to handle disappointments. There can be many setbacks along the way but they will lessen with time. The final key to infidelity healing is forgiveness. It has to be a conscious decision to stop blaming each other and make peace. If resentment sets in, it will only lead to hatred.

Salvaging a marriage takes huge commitment and effort. Though it may sound absurd, an affair often works like magic on a marriage that was becoming stale. While in the process of healing infidelity, the spouses rediscover their passion for each other and start life anew. Marriage therapists report that infidelity-rocked marriages emerge stronger than what they were before.